The Grief of Houdini

 

I have been speaking a lot lately on Houdini and his approach to Spiritualism. Specifically, his fierce attacks on Spiritualism. But yesterday I realized I needed to take a few steps back and look through fresh eyes. Here is why. Sir Patrick Stewart, the actor who portrayed Captain Picard on Star Trek The Next Generation, and Dr. Charles Xavier, from the X-Men franchise recently died. I came upon a video that  Mirina Sirtis had made concerning her acting partner and friend. To be blunt, her video simply destroyed me emotionally. I am already hyper sensitive to people when they loose a loved one. It affects me very deeply. But to hear her grief in the video she made, just tore out my heart.

Now, back to Houdini. Clearly, Houdini was a mama's boy. There is no shame in that, nor am I implying any. I just need to point out he was extremely attached to her. Next, Houdini was in Europe when his mother died. The biographies say he fainted.  I looked up the reasons for fainting and sure enough, a shocking surprise, can cause the blood pressure to drop suddenly, which leads to light headedness, which then leads to collapsing. Sounds like exactly what happened to Houdini in this scenario.  I don't think it's a common reaction, but it was real in his case.

His mother was his world. During his life, he sought her approval and worked hard to make her happy. When doing one of his handcuffed bridge jumps, he is quoted as telling his brother, "Ma saw me jump!" he was so thrilled she could see it.  His father is said to lay the burden of taking care of her after he died, but I think it's much more than that.  I tend to think he would have done that regardless of his father's request. There is just no denying his love for his mother. And now she was suddenly and abruptly gone. After his fainting spell, hen he does awaken, he notifies Theo to wait on the funeral. Jewish tradition states she must be buried by a certain time, but Houdini must see his mother one last time. He and Bess rush home. He may see his mother but her spirit is no longer part of the earthly plane. 

What is he feeling? Grief, overwhelming grief. He is likely feeling guilt for having left for Europe. He must have known, due to her age, that this was a possibility. But human beings also, often put these things out of their minds, hoping they wont happen. When they do, it's so much worse.  Maybe he has the added guilt for preventing her timely burial as well. His world has just collapsed. I do think this combination of guilt and grief would remain with him. Very likely his desire to communicate with her one last time was partly to express his love for his mother so she could hear him and also that so he could know her final thoughts as she left this world. 

Of his mother he said or wrote:

"If God in his greatness ever sent an angel on Earth in human form, it was my mother."

"My mother was everything to me. Not until she lay dying did I realize how inexpressibly futile is a man's intelligence."

"Dash it's TOUGH, and I cant seem to get over it. Some times I feel alright, but when a calm moment arrives I am as bad as ever. "

 "Am hoping that eventually I will have my burning tears run dry, but know that my Heart will ALWAYS ACHE FOR OUR DARLING MOTHER. …my very Existence seems to have expired with HER…I feel as if my heart of hearts went with HER."

 

He is one child among several. He's also a middle child, not the oldest or youngest. But he is apparently the most headstrong and the most determined. He was more determined than any 10 people. So he lives within the world of extremes. His love for his mother was extreme. I think his love for Bess was also extreme, but different than the motherly love.  And I suppose his feelings after her death, were equally extreme.

He clearly was suffering enormous amounts of grief. What is worse, sometimes grief never truly heals. It is like a scab on your life that can be pulled off at the most unexpected moments. 

We can see it in his printed tributes to his mother. We also see it in his clothes. John Cox points out in his WildaboutHoudini.com site that Houdini wore what he believes are mourning clothes. And this same suit can be seen in photographs for years, same coat, same hat. And I think he is 100% correct. Mourning clothes were a tradition among women and it was not unheard of for men to do it. Houdini would have done something to acknowledge his heartache, and black mourning clothes fit the bill. As I recall, even Queen Victoria wore mourning clothes for 40 years, after the death of her husband Prince Albert, right up until her own death.  Which oddly means, the dress Houdini bought his mother was also a mourning dress.

There has been speculation that Houdini wanted to contact his mother because of the bitter relationship he had with his brother Leopold. but even that seems a leap. That whole situation with his brother is complicated and one that I'm not sure will ever be resolved. But surely Houdini already knew his mother's thoughts on this prior to her passing.

We know that after his father died, Houdini and his mother went to see a medium. So perhaps she was a believer in such things and this influenced him. But then again, he always seemed to see through the deception of the mediums. No doubt his deep feelings made him WANT to believe. But his knowledge saw through the lies. Not that he ever stopped believing in an afterlife, or in God. But his belief that a person could communicate with the dead, that stopped. 

One thing I have learned having lost numerous loved ones, some people never get over grief. We do our best to move past it, to get on with life, but that painful memory can come back, when we least expect it. Grief is always just under the surface. Then again, people handle grief differently. Maybe for some, it doesn't affect them at all. It's a very mysterious thing, and I'm no therapist or Doctor.  Houdini too had tragedy he had to deal with, he lost his father when he was quite young. He lost his half brother Herman when he was only eleven years old. But it was his mother that changed his life.